Recently there have been a bunch of idiots cheating in professional sports.
Aside from my simple admonishment you may have noticed to the right,,,
I have a few thoughts about these goings on.
NFL First off, if you ask me about Michael Vick I will sick an Orca on you. That’s not cheating, that’s being a brutal dumbass.
I’m referring to videogate, or whatever you want to call the videotaping excursion made by the patriots. If you don’t know what I’m talking about by now,, well, congratulations for not living in North America, revel in your delicious culture and wonderful home cooked food that we have to go out and spend $100 for two people just to get a halfway decent version of.
The cheating in the NFL was of the most sophisticated, convoluted, and difficult cheat to execute of all. Why do I have any bearing on this conversation? I have previously spent time as a Division I-AA video coordinator (1993 season, Big Sky Conference, I know of which I speak). Anyway, to properly execute this”cheat” you (a coach in the booth with a headset (likely a lower level coach assigned to memorizing completely, the most recent signals executed by the opposing defense, and within the 15 second window of radio operation available during the 25 second play clock) must do the following.
Start the clock,, you now have 25 Seconds:
Offensive coordinator/play caller, or head coach decides what play to call and sends it in over the radio to the quarterback
In the same time frame, across the field, the opposing defensive coordinator/playcaller sends in the opposing play using the radio also (it’s the green dot guy who hears it)
(time cost; 10 seconds) (15 seconds left before play clock expires)(5 seconds left of radio transmission time)
The players with the green dots now tell the rest of their team “the plan”
(Time cost 3 seconds) (12 seconds left before play clock expires)(2 seconds left of radio transmission time)
(only 15 seconds are allowed from the start of the 25 second clock for the radios to transmit to their players on the field)
In this span of time, a coach in the booth with binoculars and who has memorized the opposing team’s defensive calls (likely taking the 15 hours at least of this person’s time the previous week (keeping in mind the NFL coach standard week of 80-100 hours minimum)) must be able to recognize the opposing team’s package (laugh here) and transmit that info to the quarterback (in 2 seconds mind you) so that the quarterback is aware of it and can audible (tell his players by doing that “Peyton Manning thing where you step back and yell a totally new play at your teammates in the 10 seconds you have left”).
There, so that’s what Belichick and his buddies were up to. Easy huh, oh, and you should keep in mind there are anywhere from 10 to 30 defensive packages to identify and some teams even have a second guy out there sending in similar (but different signals as a decoy).
What’s more,, teams have been doing this and much more for years!!! Jimmy Johnson on the NFL on Fox show yelled as much this morning.
The level of technological proficiency and effort in Professional and Collegiate football is far higher than most people expect (these are NOT dumb people running the shows here, no matter how much you think they should have done what you were yelling at the tv from home. You had a replay and Al and John in your ear along with the fact that you thought of it as they were coming up to the line. They had finished their call 15-20 seconds before you and likely did it with a level of information and knowledge crunching that would make a grown man cry.
Did Goodell do a good thing by relentlessly punishing the Patriots and Belichick? Yes, it needed to be done to send a message that it will not be tolerated. The punishment of half a million and loss of a 1st round draft pick are a lesson to the rest of the league.
Let’s move on.
They’re cheating, STOP IT.
They’ll kill you, they’ll shrink your balls, they’ll make you sterile, give you roid rage, or maybe just end your life and others around you. (stop with the speed too, coffee is legal, and does the same thing,, then, with the shakes you’ll end up letting go of a ball and nailing some guy you didn’t mean to, way to go winner).
Just work hard (hey those football guys get tested for steroids,, don’t use them (those who do are caught), and are twice your size,, why not just work out as hard as they do? Hmmm,, oh right, you’re lazy baseball players.
Blood doping and testosterone are cheating (and boy do they go out of their way to do it).
Because when you ride for 21 days straight (with a one day break) the BIGGEST issue is endurance and recovery. All professional cyclists can ride a bike fast,, faster than the rest of the planet. The thing that makes them better? Breaking through the pain (or recovering quicker,, it’s all the same thing). That’s why it’s illegal, and that’s why that form of cheating works (when you’re not caught).
It’s also pretty freaking dangerous to mess with your blood and hormones,, unless you’re some sort of deity,, and you ain’t no deity!!
Look up at the sign! (stop cheating stupid)
Nigel Stephney from Ferrari stole over 700 pages of technical information from the team that he worked for (Ferrari),, then he secretly gave them to the head designer for McLaren.
THEN he called the head McLaren designer during races and told them when Ferrari was going to pit! (that’s EXACTLY like telling someone what plays you’re going to run for the whole first half in a football game).
The head McLaren designer had spread the information far enough in their organization that the test driver called the race driver and actually emailed him the settings they had stolen and suggested trying them in their wind tunnel and on their car.
That is a bad cheatin!. People that hold Ferrari accountable for blowing the whistle on him are nuts. That’s someone clearly working against them. The fact that he was an in house sabateour in no way makes it their (Ferrari’s) fault (even if there is a red phone)(Shark7 I’m looking at you).
Oh yeah,, and he put a powder on their fuel tanks that likely would’ve destroyed the fuel bladders, or at least made the cars operate poorly and lose. Some guy to have on your team! (don’t worry, they caught the powder and cleaned it out before the race).
Fine for his actions (the Mclaren head of design), $100,000,000.00 to the McLaren race team. Old Nigel, jobless, and likely run out of the country (plus Ferrari is going after him with all they’ve got).
Yes, that’s a hundred million dollars. Bellichick was fined half a mil and no one will shut up about it,, let’s see,, that’s 200 times as much money,, but who’s counting?
Do you think Formula 1 is a big deal? The rest of the planet sure does (I’ll leave my Max and Bernie dialog for later).
In Conclusion (ish)
Ugh,, let’s stop the cheating,, we like the sports for the sports. We know you’re going to knock yourselves out (ok, well maybe not the baseball guys, but the rest of you) trying to beat the other teams. All we ask is don’t cheat.
We want a REAL sporting event to be amazing, and to know it was all done with brains, brawn guts, and technique.
Then, it’s so much sweeter to have a favorite, and cheer with all our might.
Sports are a delightful distraction to watch, and a real joy to participate in.
When the highest levels of competition disillusion us to their reality, we WILL go elsewhere for our authentic sporting events.
Red Bull Flugtag anyone?
(I’m going to go back to watching the Patriots finish tearing apart the Chargers,,, they’re not going to cheat at this game,, the freaking Commissioner is at the game!)